Combat Veteran Saved by Falling Bible

Fernando Arroyo is a combat veteran who saw the worst of war and brought those memories home with him. After deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan, he struggled with severe post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD, and overwhelming isolation. 

One night, believing there was no way out, Fernando was about to end his life. But then a Bible fell to the ground. 

Hear how God met Fernando in his darkest moment and how he now helps other veterans discover hope and overcome PTSD on this episode of GPS: God. People. Stories. 

Connect with us through email at gps@billygraham.org or on Facebook at Billy Graham Radio. 

If you’d like to know more about beginning a relationship with Jesus Christ, or deepening the faith you already have, visit FindPeacewithGod.net. 

If you’d like to pray with someone, call our Billy Graham 24/7 Prayer Line at 855-255-7729. 

Transcript

Jim Kirkland: 
[00:00:00] This episode of GPS deals with attempted suicide, specifically with the use of a gun. Listener discretion is advised. 

Fernando Arroyo: 
[00:00:09] I could taste the oil from the pistol in my mouth. And I took the safety off. I heard the click, and I said, God, if you’re there, save me. 

Jim Kirkland: 
[00:00:19] Fernando Arroyo was seconds away from taking his own life. He was a combat veteran who had served in the U.S. Army. He suffered with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD, which got so bad that he felt suicide was his only way out. 

Fernando Arroyo: 
[00:00:35] So, I closed my eyes, and I’m crying. I put my thumb on the trigger. And I slowly start putting pressure on the trigger. And then, I heard a bang. 

Jim Kirkland: 
[00:00:45] But the bang was not his gun. It was a Bible. Hear Fernando share his story and how he now helps other veterans find hope in Jesus Christ on this episode of GPS: God. People. Stories. An outreach of the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association. I’m Jim Kirkland. Even before entering the Army, Fernando realized that he couldn’t save himself. But over time, he would come to realize just how much he needed God. Billy Graham shared about the evils of this world, including wars, and man’s great need for a Savior. 

Billy Graham: 
[00:01:20] Now, God has a rescue plan. And His rescue effort is centered in the person of His Son, Jesus Christ. That’s why Christ came. That’s why He died on the cross. That’s what the cross is all about. 

Jim Kirkland:
[00:01:33] You’ll hear more about God’s rescue plan from Billy Graham later in this episode. You can also learn more right now about Jesus’ forgiveness through the cross by going to our website, FindPeacewithGod.net. FindPeacewithGod.net. And if you’d rather speak with someone right now, you can call the Billy Graham 24/7 prayer line. (855) 255-7729. That’s (855) 255-PRAY. And if you need that link and phone number again, you can find it in our show notes.   

Audio tag:
[00:02:10]

Jim Kirkland: 
[00:02:17] Growing up, Fernando Arroyo and his family lived in a one-bedroom home near East Los Angeles. His parents had immigrated to the U.S. from Mexico. They didn’t have much. On his rough neighborhood streets, Fernando was exposed to gangs, drugs, and violence. But he didn’t let that environment determine his future. 

Fernando Arroyo: 
[00:02:35] As a kid, I had these little toy soldiers and like GI Joes playing Army outside with my brother and my friends. Just running around with toy guns and stuff. And I remember watching Operation Desert Storm. So, it was like 1991. And I remember on the news, it would show these black and white thermal images of Stealth fighters and Apache helicopters dropping bombs, destroying Iraqi tanks. All this cool stuff. But the thing that got me was seeing the footage of the guys on the ground. And they’re shooting. They’re returning fire. And as they’re getting shot at, they’re moving up towards the enemy. And I thought, oh, these are real-life GI Joes. This is what I want to be. 

Jim Kirkland:
[00:03:21] While Fernando found his vocational purpose early on in life, by age 13, he would discover another greater purpose. Faith. After consistently attending church with his mom and older brother, he gave his life to Jesus Christ. 

Fernando Arroyo:  
[00:03:36] I can’t say I had this like a wow moment. You know. Uh, I just believed in Jesus at a young age. But at 13, it was more of a formality. It’s like, do you believe in Jesus Christ? Like, uh, yeah. Of course. Like, yes, I do. 

Jim Kirkland:  
[00:03:49] Four years later, as a high school senior, Fernando’s faith was put to the test. September 11, 2001. On that day, he was in class when the United States was attacked by terrorists. Compelled to serve his country, Fernando was sworn into the Army less than three weeks later. He enlisted to be a paratrooper, but Fernando had never even flown in an airplane. That was until he found himself on his way to infantry school.

Fernando Arroyo: 
[00:04:16] When the plane took off,  I watched the city of LA just disappear. And I thought, oh, I can’t do this. I cannot jump out of an airplane. So, I was very overwhelmed. It was a lot. I felt like I didn’t know what I was getting myself into, which, in a way, I didn’t. You know, this was bigger than me. 

Jim Kirkland:   
[00:04:.35] After completing 14 weeks of infantry school in Fort Benning, Georgia, Fernando went to Airborne School. That’s where you learn how to jump out of a plane and become a paratrooper. 

Fernando Arroyo: 
[00:04:46] I remember through my basic training and Airborne School, I was praying to God, asking Him for strength. I was reading the book of Psalms. I was going to church on Sundays. And after Airborne School, when I got to Fort Bragg, North Carolina, I stopped praying as much. I didn’t seek out a church. I didn’t seek out the chaplain. I made the mistake of wanting to be one of the boys. 

Jim Kirkland: 
[00:05:12] After a month at Fort Bragg, Fernando tried for a paratrooper position. It was in one of the reconnaissance platoons. And he was selected. With that accomplishment, Fernando’s pride grew, and he began looking more to himself than to God. Then, he was deployed to Iraq. 

Fernando Arroyo:  
[00:05:33] I was now 19 years old. First time in combat. I’m in the back of this Humvee wearing night vision. There’s bullets flying in the air, and I’m going to go to those bullets, right? So, I lock and load. And I remember, I said a prayer. And I said, Lord, forgive me for my sins. Sorry, I’m not a good Christian. I’m not in the Word. I’m not praying as much, but I know that my life is in Your hands. If I die, may I wake in your presence? In Jesus’ name, Amen. 

Jim Kirkland: 
[00:05:59] All the gunfire Fernando and his platoon encountered came at them as they approached the city of Fallujah. But once they entered the city, it all stopped. In fact, Fallujah looked like a ghost town, but they knew they were being watched. Then, as they made their way to the outskirts of the city, in a swampy area by the Euphrates River, Fernando was told to get ready. It’s coming. 

Fernando Arroyo:  
[00:06:22] We’re going like 5 to 10 miles an hour tops, looking for the bad guys. And that’s when I heard two explosions. And I saw two flashes, two explosions. I felt the blast in my chest. 

Jim Kirkland:  
[00:06:34] Two glowing red rocket-propelled grenades flew about five feet over Fernando’s head. And then, more bullets. 

Fernando Arroyo: 
[00:06:41] It was this out-of-body experience. I was in an ambush, and my training kicked in with my night vision on, my M-4. And I just started returning fire. And as I’m returning fire, I feel the Humvee move because we’re trying to drive out of the kill zone so that we’re not just sitting ducks. And bullets are whizzing by. And I’m shooting back. And I remember that night was the first time I shot someone. 

Jim Kirkland:  
[00:07:05] After what felt like an eternity, Fernando heard, cease fire. 

Fernando Arroyo: 
[00:07:09] I felt my team leader, my platoon sergeant, touching me. They were touching my face and my body. I’m like, what’s going on? They’re like, we’re making sure you’re not hit. So, we checked each other. We’re good. And I just remember thinking people are trying to kill me. This is reality. This is war. You know. And I might die here. 

Jim Kirkland: 
[0007:28] For the next several months in Fallujah, Fernando faced ongoing attacks from rockets and IEDs, which stands for improvised explosive devices. All the while, he strayed farther and farther from God. 

Fernando Arroyo: 
[00:07:42] I don’t know how many IED roadside bombs I experienced. It was a lot. Nothing ever touched me. I felt the blasts and the heat, but God was there. Again, not going to church. Not reading the Bible. I was more focused on, I’ll say a prayer before I go on a mission in case I die. 

Jim Kirkland: 
[00:08:02] But he did not escape unaffected by all he had been through. When Fernando returned from Iraq, he began to suffer from PTSD. 

Fernando Arroyo: 
[00:08:09] I’m in the barracks at Fort Bragg. That night, my first night, I remember waking up to the sound of gunfire. I dove out of my bed. I’m on my hands and knees in my barracks room. And I’m looking for my M-4, my-my weapon. I’m looking for my night vision, my body armor. None of it’s there. I’m panicking. And then, I look out the window, and I see green trees. And I realize, oh, I’m back. I am not in Iraq. This happened a lot. 

Jim Kirkland:  
[00:08:36] Eventually, other people began noticing his PTSD, including his family, when he came home on a two-week vacation.  

Fernando Arroyo: 
[00:08:43] We were watching TV, and it was trash day. Well, when garbage trucks grab the trash cans, they lift them up and shake them. Right. It makes a bang, the lid bangs. So, I’m in the living room. And I hear the bang. And I yell, incoming! Get down! Incoming! And I dive to the living room floor. And I’m yelling at my family. And I’m cursing at them. Get down! Get down! Get on the ground! And they’re just looking at me. What is going on? And then, I remember, oh, I am home. I am not in Iraq anymore. I sit down laughing like, oh, man. Whew, silly me. Yeah, it’s a thing we did. And my mom’s crying. And she says, Mijo, are you okay? I said, yeah, Mom, I’m fine. And I wasn’t. 

Jim Kirkland:  
[00:09:34] Six months later, Fernando was deployed to Afghanistan. It was during this deployment that he decided it was time to get out of the Army and get back to civilian life. But he was told he first had to deploy to Iraq for another year. Fernando was angry, and he blamed God. 

Fernando Arroyo: 
[00:09:53] I was like, if God is in control of everything, then He’s the one that is keeping me from getting out, keeping me from living my life, and being successful. Then, I looked back, and I said if God is in control of everything, then all the carnage and the mayhem I saw in combat, He’s the one doing it. God is kind of evil. How can a good God allow women and children to be killed? I just started laying into God for everything bad. It’s his fault. 

Jim Kirkland:  
[00:10:19] Fernando’s anger only grew worse during his time in Baiji, Iraq. His platoon was losing men in combat there. His friends were dying. One of the worst experiences there was a massive suicide car bombing that left horrific carnage in its wake. It was shortly after that that Fernando returned home. 

Fernando Arroyo: 
[00:10:38] This time, I get a piece of paper that says you have ten days to get out of the Army. About two weeks later, I’m a college student in California. And I’m a civilian after a 15-month deployment and overall over two years of combat. 

Jim Kirkland: 
[00:10:56] After everything he’d experienced, it just was not possible for Fernando’s life to return to normal. 

Fernando Arroyo: 
[00:11:04] I do not feel safe anywhere. I’m going to church, but I’m sitting in the back of the church with a hangover. And I’m kind of like, look, God, I know you kept me alive. I know that you’re real. So, I’m kind of checking the box. 

Jim Kirkland:  
[00:11:21] Despite going to church on Sundays, Fernando was struggling. He felt alone. And he couldn’t let go of his past. 

Fernando Arroyo: 
[00:11:28] I started falling apart. All the memories of my friends who were killed, of my friends who were wounded that I carried to the Medivac helicopter, to the bodies and things I saw that day when that car bomb exploded. Everything. It all came back to haunt me. And I was having nightmares. I was sleeping two hours or less a night. 

Jim Kirkland:  
[00:11:46] Fernando hated his life. He was miserable. But nevertheless, he still refused to tell anyone at church about what he was facing. 

Fernando Arroyo: 
[00:11:56] There’s this saying that you’re only as sick as the secrets you keep. I was holding on to these secrets, this trauma, this pain, this suffering. I wasn’t even praying to God to help me with it. 

Jim Kirkland: 
[00:12:10] One night in his studio apartment, Fernando decided he would take his own life. A few of his friends had committed suicide. Then, he thought it was time for him to do the same. So, after chugging a beer, he put a pistol in his mouth and closed his eyes. 

Fernando Arroyo: 
[00:12:24] I could taste the oil from the pistol in my mouth. And I took the safety off. I heard the click. And then, I said a prayer in my mind. And I said, God, if you’re there, save me. 
Jim Kirkland: 
[00:12:37] There was no response. Thinking God didn’t care about him, tears streamed down Fernando’s cheeks. He was convinced it was time for him to go. 

Fernando Arroyo:
[00:12:47] I’m going to put my thumb on the trigger, I told myself. And I’m just going to start squeezing. And I’m not going to feel anything. It’s just going to be a surprise. 

Jim Kirkland: 
[00:12:56] As Fernando slowly started pulling the trigger, he heard a bang. He dropped the gun. 

Fernando Arroyo:
[00:13:02] I’m checking if there’s blood. There’s no blood. I check my head, the back of my head. There are no holes. 

Jim Kirkland: 
[00:13:08] Panicking, Fernando finally notices what caused the bang. 

Fernando Arroyo:
[00:13:11] I had a Bible on my office desk in my studio apartment. And it just mysteriously just fell off the desk and fell to the floor. And that was the bang that I heard. 

Jim Kirkland: 
[00:13:22] Fernando fell to his knees and cried. 

Fernando Arroyo:
[00:13:25] I said I give up. All right, God. I give up. Help me! Help me! I need help. I need your help. I need your help. I just kept asking God for help. And I asked Him for forgiveness. And I asked Him to save me. 

Jim Kirkland: 
[00:13:39] A few days later, an old friend and fellow veteran reached out to Fernando. For months, he had been offering to take Fernando to the Department of Veterans Affairs to see a psychologist. But up until that point, Fernando had just said, nope. 

Fernando Arroya:
[00:13:53] I was like, no, that stuff is for wussies. I’m not a coward. I did what I was trained to do. You know, Mr. Tough paratrooper guy. 

Jim Kirkland: 
[00:13:59] But after the failed suicide attempt, Fernando finally gave in. He took his buddy up on the offer and went to the VA’s office in East Los Angeles. Before seeing the therapist, he was given a packet of questions to answer, like how much do you drink? Do you have nightmares? He lied about all of it. 

Fernando Arroyo:
[00:14:19] I was still ashamed. And I just said, no, no, no, no. Everything is great. I’m fine. 

Jim Kirkland: 
[00:14:24] But the therapist saw straight through Fernando’s façade. 

Fernando Arroyo:
[00:14:28] When I got called in to the therapist’s office, you know, he said come in. Have a seat. And he says, you know, according to your answers, you don’t need help. And I said, great, can I leave? He says, hold on. You see, I’m looking at your answers on this piece of paper, and they don’t match your military history because you have three combat deployments. You graduated from Ranger School. You jumped out of planes. You have a combat infantryman’s badge, which means I engage in direct battle against the enemy. Your answers do not match your military history. And I think that you’re lying to me. He said the only way that I can help you is if you allow me to help you by telling the truth. 

Jim Kirkland: 
[00:15:10] Fernando was holding on to what little pride he had left after putting a gun in his mouth. He recognized that God was bringing him help through this therapist, but nevertheless, he was debating whether to take it or not. 

Fernando Arroyo:
[00:15:22] So, I said, hey, what do you want to know. And he said, did you go to combat? I said, yes. Did you lose any friends? Yes. Have you ever had to shoot anyone? Yes. Are you having nightmares? Yes. How many hours of sleep are you getting each night? Two. How many drinks did you have on Friday night? I had about 30-something beers. With who? Alone. What about Saturday? The same. With who? Alone. He said, Fernando, you need help. 

Jim Kirkland: 
[00:15:53] Embarrassed, Fernando started to cry. The therapist asked Fernando are you religious? 

Jim Kirkland: 
[00:16:00] I said I’m a Christian. And he said, okay, I’m Jewish. I’m not a Christian, but I understand about Christianity. Why did Jesus die on the cross? And I said, He died for our sins. He said is there anything that you have done or could ever do that makes what He did on the cross no longer valid or that He cannot cover? And that He cannot forgive? And I cried; and I said, no. And he said, Fernando, I’m not a Christian, but I’m here for you. And if this is what it takes for you to find healing, I want to just give you a few moments to pray to Jesus and say whatever you want to Him. 

Jim Kirkland: 
[00:16:43] Fernando prayed again for forgiveness and asked God to help him surrender his life. Over the next year, he met with that therapist two times a week. And he openly confessed to his church the problems that he had been facing. 

Fernando Arroyo:
[00:16:55] I thought that I was going to be told, wow, that’s terrible. You need to leave the church. You’re not a real Christian. I just felt so much shame, you know. You’re only as sick as the secrets you keep. And the truth is, when I shared this, I was surrounded with love, with prayer, with support. And I came even closer to God through this. 

Jim Kirkland: 
[00:17:14] God changed everything for Fernando. He gave him a purpose to live and surrounded him with a church community. But Fernando knows many veterans are still fighting battles with PTSD. And those battles often result in suicide. As mentioned earlier in this episode, as many as 17 veterans commit suicide every day. 

Fernando Arroyo:
[00:17:35]  I was almost one of those veterans, but I found hope in Jesus Christ. 

Jim Kirkland: 
[00:17:40] After getting back on his feet, Fernando started helping veterans at Biola University, a Christian school in California. It was through that work that the school eventually opened the Biola Veterans’ Center. Then, Fernando became the Veterans’ case manager at the Orange County Rescue Mission. 

Fernando Arroyo:
[00:18:00] I found myself helping veterans. I’m like, God, you’ve called me. You know, I went through what I went through. And when I got help, not only did I find help, but I was also now I’m able to help others. And I’m helping veterans. 

Jim Kirkland: 
[00:18:13] Today, Fernando is a newlywed, and he’s working two jobs. One is with a Christian non-profit. It offers veterans free coaching and mentorship. The other is as a case manager helping people who are recovering from substance abuse and mental health disorders. Fernando hopes his story encourages others to call out to God and to trust Him. 

Fernando Arroyo:
[00:18:33] Looking back, I see God was there the whole time. How is it that I went through all of these IED explosions and I was never wounded? How was it that I was in an ambush and not a bullet touched me? How is it that I was surrounded by enemies for an hour and not one bullet hit me? I mean, it goes on and on of the miracles to the point where even, you know, I have a gun in my mouth, and it’s God who saved me. God is chasing after us. God cares. He is there. And if you call on Him, He is there. He is knocking at the door of your heart. Being in a bad place, you might not see that. But if you start calling out, the light will appear. And the light breaks through the dark. Trust me. I challenge you to, if you are in a low place, call on Jesus. You will find hope. 

Music tag:
[00:19:20]

Jim Kirkland: 
[00:19:30] You can have the same hope in Jesus Christ that Fernando Arroyo discovered. You can know you’ll go to heaven when you die. To learn more about starting a relationship with Jesus Christ, you can go to FindPeacewithGod.net. Or call our 24-hour Billy Graham prayer line. (855) 255-7729. That’s (855) 255-PRAY. And the web address again, FindPeacewithGod.net. Abundant life. You’ll hear more about that from Fernando Arroyo in just a moment. 

Audio tag:
[00:20:11]

Billy Graham: 
[00:20:21] God never meant that there would be prejudice and wars and hate and lust and greed and jealousy and pride. God meant that this was to be a perfect paradise. There would never be any death. 

Announcer:
[00:20:32] Billy Graham … 

Billy Graham: 
[00:20:34] The Bible says that all of our problems and all of our suffering, whatever it may be, including death itself, are a result of man’s rebellion against God. And of course, Satan is the one who led in that rebellion. Now, God has a rescue plan. And His rescue effort is centered in the person of His Son, Jesus Christ. That’s why Christ came. That’s why He died on the cross. That’s what the cross is all about. Now, what should be our attitude toward all of this? Well, we should bear our suffering according to the Bible. Woe is me for my hurt. My wound is grievous. But I said truly this is a grief, and I must bear it. There comes a time when we must bear our grief, but God is with us in the midst of the grief. In the midst of the suffering, God is there. 

Jim Kirkland: 
[00:21:24] Discover more about God being with you in the midst of your grief. Go to FindPeacewithGod.net. FindPeacewithGod.net. Our guest on this episode of GPS: God. People. Stories. is Fernando Arroyo. He’s a combat veteran who experienced the depths of PTSD and now helps other veterans overcome those depths. He’s also the author of a memoir, The Shadow of Death: From My Battles in Fallujah to the Battle for My Soul. Ultimately, Fernando wants everyone to find abundant life in Jesus Christ like he has. 

Fernando Arroyo:  
[00:22:01] If you surrender your life to Jesus, He gives you life abundantly. But it takes you giving up your pride and just humbling yourself the way Jesus did. And you’ll experience healing, forgiveness, and-and find true and eternal hope. 

Jim Kirkland: 
[00:22:18] We’re grateful for Fernando Arroyo’s service to his country and service to his fellow veterans, and for his willingness to share his story with us. Make sure you’re subscribed to GPS so you do not miss a single episode. We post every other week on Wednesday. I’m Jim Kirkland. GPS: God. People. Stories. It’s an outreach of the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association. Always good news. 

Music tag:
[00:22:44] 

End of transcript